Friday, May 29, 2009

Diet time

I was comfortable with my weight. I think when I made this statement, my inhibitions went out the darn window. I started eating like crazy. I have been a bottomless pit. I find myself roaming the house looking for food. I can just keep eating. Grazing would be more appropriate. I think about chocolate ALL the time. A part of me believes that if I don't eat chocolate every single day of my life, I just may die. I bleed chocolate.
I like food in general. I really don't discriminate. I should. Then I wouldn't be as heavy as I am. LOL. My main problem is that my clothes are getting snug and I am getting flabby. Both of these situations make me very unhappy. I find that when I am upset about my weight, I become overly self conscious. I feel like everyone is staring at me. "Ugh. She wore that?" "What a lard a$$!" "She'd be cute if she weren't so fat." No, no one says this to me. I feel like they are thinking it. I walk with my head down. I have become so dependent on having Crash with me. I carry him every where. He is able to "hide" my fat. I feel like people will look at him and not notice me. I carry big purses to substitute that emptyness on the off chance I don't have Crash with me.
I have had a lot of issues with my body image. I have a good idea where this comes from, but writing it may open up a storm with some people. I just don't want to go there. I am really afraid that at this point, people think I am being a snob. I don't look people in the eyes. I look at the floor. I am short with answers. I really am a kind person. I am not as awful as my neighbor thinks I am. :) I know I shouldn't care what people think. The only opinions that matter are mine and my hubby's. I do need to be healthy. I need to make smart choices. I need to learn self control. I need to exercise.
I am considering documenting my progress on my blog. If I put it out there for people to see, I will be more encouraged to succeed. I will have to bust my hiney. Hmmm....what to do?


My Husband's Watching TV... said...

Girl...I am in the same boat as you! I've been trying to diet bc my clothes are too tight and I refuse to gain any more weight but ice cream is my weakness. You can do it though so get out there!!!

Mary said...

In my years of watching my weight, I have learned one important lesson-you are your own worst critic. It's easy to fall into the belief that everyone is judging you, but frankly, they are probably too busy worrying about themselves. I think the easiest way to get on the health train is to take small steps and take it one day at a time. A walk around the block, passing up dessert, or taking the stairs. Good luck!