I was comfortable with my weight. I think when I made this statement, my inhibitions went out the darn window. I started eating like crazy. I have been a bottomless pit. I find myself roaming the house looking for food. I can just keep eating. Grazing would be more appropriate. I think about chocolate ALL the time. A part of me believes that if I don't eat chocolate every single day of my life, I just may die. I bleed chocolate.
I like food in general. I really don't discriminate. I should. Then I wouldn't be as heavy as I am. LOL. My main problem is that my clothes are getting snug and I am getting flabby. Both of these situations make me very unhappy. I find that when I am upset about my weight, I become overly self conscious. I feel like everyone is staring at me. "Ugh. She wore that?" "What a lard a$$!" "She'd be cute if she weren't so fat." No, no one says this to me. I feel like they are thinking it. I walk with my head down. I have become so dependent on having Crash with me. I carry him every where. He is able to "hide" my fat. I feel like people will look at him and not notice me. I carry big purses to substitute that emptyness on the off chance I don't have Crash with me.
I have had a lot of issues with my body image. I have a good idea where this comes from, but writing it may open up a storm with some people. I just don't want to go there. I am really afraid that at this point, people think I am being a snob. I don't look people in the eyes. I look at the floor. I am short with answers. I really am a kind person. I am not as awful as my neighbor thinks I am. :) I know I shouldn't care what people think. The only opinions that matter are mine and my hubby's. I do need to be healthy. I need to make smart choices. I need to learn self control. I need to exercise.
I am considering documenting my progress on my blog. If I put it out there for people to see, I will be more encouraged to succeed. I will have to bust my hiney. Hmmm....what to do?