Friday, December 12, 2008

Watching down on them.

I went to the visitation for the parent who passed away. My friend H also went. She had the child in her class also. I have known the family for four years. Tater was in the same preschool class. I had their son for about a year and a half. This family is one of the sweetest I know. They always had a smile on their faces. They truly cared about everyone. They doted on their son. Love just oozed from their pores. I know it sounds a little to perfect, but they really are. They gave gifts to the entire staff at Christmas time. They came to my baby shower. They insisted that Grace come to the birthday party for their son. They even wanted to pay for my meal. These are people that nothing bad should ever happen to. But we know that's not how this world works.
I noticed on Wednesday that the little boy was not their yet. It was very odd. They always arrived at the same time. If he was sick, they would call and let us know. I would of course offer well wishes. I don't want any child to be sick. The phone for the preschool rang and I saw mom's name on the caller i.d. I won't go into specifics about the call. It seems so personal. It was a moment of vulnerability that I was apart of. I would feel like I were exploiting it if I wrote it down. I know it sounds odd, but I'm so damn sensitive sometimes.
I really didn't believe what I had heard. I do that a lot. It's a defense mechanism. I go through denial, until I have absolute proof. I do it with a lot of things. I just kept thinking I misunderstood her. I just saw him yesterday and he seemed fine. He was sweet as usual. We all took it very hard. I can't imagine losing my husband just a couple of weeks before Christmas.
It instantly brought back a memory for me that I seemed to have misplaced for several years. Next week marks the tenth anniversary of my uncle's tragic death. He was struck by a motorist while he was training for an upcoming cycling competition. He did everything properly. The driver just wasn't paying attention. Accidents happen. My three little cousins lost their father 9 days before Christmas. I can't even imagine the pain.
I keep replaying the last few conversations I had with the father. I started to wonder: do we subconsciously know something is going to happen. The father made a point to stick around a couple of weeks ago and tell me how much he loved us. He gave us the greatest compliments. It was very sweet. I thanked him profusely. My uncle for the first time since his first child was born had all of the presents purchased. They usually waited until the last minute. It's probably just a coincidence.
I have been to several funerals/visitations in my life. Why is it I never have the right things to say? I don't want to say too much and put my foot in my mouth. Thinking back, this is the first time someone has passed away and I had just spoken with them the day before. My uncle I hadn't seen in a couple of years. My grandparents, great aunts, great uncles.
I know things happen for a reason. I know that this father isn't suffering anymore. I know that life is short. I know that terrible things happen to great people. I know that life, and death for that matter, aren't fair. Every kiss is that much sweeter. Every "I love you" is that more heartfelt. Every embrace lasts a second longer. Every lesson I teach my children seems that much more important. I want to leave my mark on this world. That will most likely be through the people closest to me: my children and my husband. If I can instill all of the knowledge and love I have to share, then a piece of me will always live on and hopefully always be in their hearts.
C, I pray for your wife and your son every day. I know you have gone on to a better place. I know that you won't spend another day in the hospital suffering. I know you are watching down on them, smiling. May your love and your spirit give them strength to get through the coming weeks. You will always be in our hearts.

1 comment:

My Husband's Watching TV... said...

That is a very sweet post...I will keep this family in my thoughts and prayers as well.