Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Wedding shoes

I have been on the hunt for some purple wedding shoes. I am trying to find a pair that I can possibly wear again. The heel cannot be too high and of course they cannot be super expensive.


These are a few that I like. Some of them are a littly wacky, but I like fun shoes.







I also found some sweet shoes that a "Lady of the Night" may where. No offense to whomever may shake their money maker for a living.






My daughter found a pair of boots that she liked!!



I told her HELL NO!!!.
Grace: Why can't I have them?
Me: Those are not appropriate.
Grace: Why not? I like them.
Me: They are hooker boots!!!
Grace: Well, when I am 18 I can buy whatever I want.
Me: Not in my house.
Grace: You are so mean!!

LMAO! I know I shouldn't have called them hooker boots. That's not exactly appropriate language for an 8 year old. Thank goodness she didn't ask me what a hooker is!!

The dress!!!

I finally found my wedding dress. I am so super excited. It took me forever to decide on one. I will have to wait a couple of weeks to order it. The cash flow is a little low currently. I cannot post a picture because I'm afraid D might check my blog. I would hate to ruin the surprise. I will say that it is a bridesmaid's dress. When I tried on gowns, I did not feel right in any of the dresses. They were too ornate, too poofy. I NEVER dress up. I NEVER wear a dress. I am most comfortable in something simple. Plus, it is super cheap!!! That's a huge bonus since the fundage is sparse.
I was just so excited about my choice. I had to share!!!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Anxiety

I am an extremely anxious person. I will have an anxiety attack over the most ridiculous things. I flip out over what cereal to buy. A little neurotic, perhaps. But, hey, that's me. Currently, I am trying to keep from going into a full blown panic attack. I was on STLWed and I realized just how much I have been slacking in my wedding planning. There are so many things I haven't done. And big things too. Well, the major one is finding an officiant. I am going to contact one that is suggested on the forum.
This just doesn't help with my recent mood/state of mind. I'm not getting all Section 8 or anything. I have just been in a funk. I feel like nothing I do is right. I'm losing control over so many different things and I have no idea how to grab the reigns and get back on course. When this happens, I tend to retreat within myself. I bottle everything up. I feel like I need to talk to somebody, but no one wants to listen. Or no one has any solutions for me. That's really what I need. I need guidance and clarity. I've tried praying, but my head is still so foggy. I want to go to church, but I'm afraid that Little D is going to be awful in the nursery. And I don't really want a stranger to watch him. I've only been to this church a couple of times, so I really don't know any one. My mother and I have a terrible relationship. I can't talk to her about anything. My dad and I are fairly close, but I don't want my mom to catch wind of anything I might say. I have a couple of good girl friends, but their lives are far more dramatic than mine. My problems seem so trivial when compared to theirs. Any time I talk to D about how I actually feel, he yells at me. Or to me as he likes to say. I think he was brought up in a house where if you are a boy, you aren't allowed to be sensitive. I could start a journal. But then D would probably read it and yell at me...I mean to me. (I should clarify something. D is not emotionally abusive. He just has a problem with directing his anger and controlling his tone. Many times when he is talking to me, I feel like he is yelling at me. He told me he is not yelling at me....he is yelling to me. LOL. And so the long term joke insues.)
I'm tired of feeling like I'm going to burst, like my head just might explode on this particular day. I want to be able to actually relax. Just for a minute. I don't need an entire day to myself. I want to be able to breath for a minute. I can't catch my breath. Life is moving too fast.
Ok, I am feeling a little better now. My chest isn't hurting like it was.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Brimfield, IL

I was going through some pictures on my computer. I found some from my quick trip up north. I am from Illinois originally. I spent the first four years of my life in a cute little town called Brimfield. It is about 30 minutes from Peoria. Peoria is pretty much a half way point between Chicago and St. Louis. Brimfield is the type of town where there are more bars and churches than anything else. There is only an IGA to shop at. When I lived there, the town had about 300 people in it and I was related to half of them. I LOVE visiting. It brings back such great memories. I wish I lived there now.


The church I used to attend and was baptized in. This is also where we had my grandfather's funeral. When he was sick in the hospital, he asked all of the time if it was snowing. We would tell him no, not yet. As we were walking into the church for his service, it started snowing. I cried. Some sad tears but some happy.

My old stomping ground
Another shot of my old house. It has a nursery with Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin painted on it. It was the poo.
This is what remains of my favorite black walnut tree. I used to have a little rope swing that I would play on too. Every morning, I would run outside and gather up nuts. I would grab my trusty brick and get to crackin. Mmmmmmmm. Black Walnuts.
This is one of my aunt's home. I love this house.
I also paid a visit to the cemetery where a lot of my family now resides. I know that sounds terrible, but my dad was an oops baby. That side of the family is on the older side. My dad has nieces and nephews that are just a couple of years younger then he is. Hehehehe. I hadn't been in 15 years. I said a little prayer to my grandpa and grandma. It was such a great visit. I really want D to come up with me sometime. He'd love this town.

It's a sign

I work at a preschool. Every morning I drive some of the kiddos to school. As I was leaving, I told the girls I wanted to stop and grab some greasy breakfast food. I was in a bad mood and I figured some yummy hashbrowns would do the trick. As I was exiting the highway, the van is sideswiped. Ok, maybe that isn't the BEST description for it. The car didn't just graze the van. It literally slammed into it. Ahhhhh! I do my best to keep the vehicle under control. My first instinct was to turn to the left, but there were cars in that lane. Bad idea. I just held onto the wheel to keep it from going into the left lane and hit the brakes.Whew! We stop. Ok. Ok. Ok. First, I ask the kids if they are ok. They all say they are fine. I ask them 30 more times. The woman who hit us comes up to the window and tries talking to me as I am trying to find my phone to call the police.
Woman: Is this part of your truck?
Me: What truck? I'm in a van.
Woman: Whose fault was it?
Me: Well, I don't think it was me. I never left my lane until you hit me.
Woman: Well, I didn't think I left my lane.
Me: Then why are our vehicles over on this side? (She was in the right exit lane and I in the left. We ended up on the left of the ramp.)
Woman: Are you going to call the cops?
Me: Uh yes. (I'm sure I had a dumbfounded look on my face.) I have children in this vehicle that I am responsible for. I want a police report.
I make the necessary calls. The trooper tells us to proceed to a commuter lot. Ok. Fine. This lady pulls out in front of another truck!!!! The truck almost hits her!! Then at the red light, she pulls into the intersection!!! Needless to say, the trooper told her she didn't need to be driving. And I believe at this point it is pretty apparent that I am probably not the one who screwed up.
This was a sign from God. I really didn't need that fast food for breakfast. I sure did lose my appetite. This is only the second accident I have been in while driving. I think I handled it pretty well. When I called my coworkers to tell them what happened, they didn't believe me. They said I was too calm. LMAO. Me! Calm! Imagine that.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Oopsy Daisy

I have been an AWFUL blogger. I was never any good at keeping a diary or a journal either. Little D is becoming much more active. He's trying to walk, and he's attempting to climbe ANYTHING that will stand still long enough. I am constantly chasing after him. It's a lot of fun though. He's also been a little sick, so he has not been sleeping much. If I happen to have a second to myself, I just relax for 2.3 seconds. It's not much, but it helps. Grace and Tater Tot have had a lot of school work and studying too. Obviously, those are priorities. I will try to be a better blogger. I promise.